Just ME

I had actually decided that maybe I wouldn't write anymore, maybe I didn't have enough to say or the right things to say...  But today I realized even more so than before that I don't write for others, I write for myself.  I hope people read my blog and I hope people like it, but this is also kind of a personal journal for me.  Something that honestly I am surprised that I share so freely.  But if one person out there can relate to me then it's worth it.  I don't think you have to run to read this blog.  You can apply my feelings and thoughts to trying anything new, anything that you feel passionate about and that makes you feel like you're on the right track, anything that makes you feel alive and gives you a reason to smile.  So here goes!  Goodness I've been back into training for almost a month now.  We started training January 8th.  While I'm on the subject of focusing on me and what's best for me, I'll also say that I don't run for anyone else but myself.  Sure I enjoy the friendships and running with a group very much but it's also a personal journey for me.  I like to push myself, I like to have goals whether physical or personal and I like the way it changes me for the better.  Honestly my running has been lacking a little motivation lately.  I don't have the same drive I had training for my first marathon.  Sure I still get all my training runs in and always give my best but it's lacking something.  I think the weather might have something to do with this.  This past week I logged 26 miles on the treadmill due to the Tulsa blizzard. The treadmill is not my most favorite place to run, I prefer a beautiful Spring morning.  But when you're a runner, you run no matter what the conditions are.  I actually feel very lucky that I was able to run on the treamill because so many people were stuck inside with nothing to do.  At least I could run.  As I run, I tend to think about so much.  Sometimes it's just when will this be over but sometimes it's deeper than that.  There are so many things that I want to do with my life.  I'm learning so much about myself and what I want and don't want, what I think is truly important and what's not.  I feel like I have grown so much within the last year and I yearn to grow even more.  I think in some ways I feel like, "well I accomplished a marathon... now what??"  Don't get me wrong I still want to run Big Sur and hopefully many more marathons in my future but I'm also okay running some half marathons or just running for fun and focusing on other things.  I think variety is a good thing and it also helps remind you why you do something.  I  know if I went one week without running, I would miss it terribly.  So that's why I continue.  I continue for me and I feel so lucky that I'm able to do the things that many people aren't.  I was thinking about this the other night and I truly feel so blessed to have been given the gifts that God gave me.  I'm not the smartest person or the richest or the prettiest but what I do have, I'm eternally grateful for.  I wouldn't trade what I have or where I am in my journey for anything.  I know that come that first beautiful day of Spring that I will be elated and proud of my progress.  Until then I will continue to pound the cold pavement and yes even the lovely treadmill to reach my goal.  Do what makes you HAPPY.  :)