Just ME

I had actually decided that maybe I wouldn't write anymore, maybe I didn't have enough to say or the right things to say...  But today I realized even more so than before that I don't write for others, I write for myself.  I hope people read my blog and I hope people like it, but this is also kind of a personal journal for me.  Something that honestly I am surprised that I share so freely.  But if one person out there can relate to me then it's worth it.  I don't think you have to run to read this blog.  You can apply my feelings and thoughts to trying anything new, anything that you feel passionate about and that makes you feel like you're on the right track, anything that makes you feel alive and gives you a reason to smile.  So here goes!  Goodness I've been back into training for almost a month now.  We started training January 8th.  While I'm on the subject of focusing on me and what's best for me, I'll also say that I don't run for anyone else but myself.  Sure I enjoy the friendships and running with a group very much but it's also a personal journey for me.  I like to push myself, I like to have goals whether physical or personal and I like the way it changes me for the better.  Honestly my running has been lacking a little motivation lately.  I don't have the same drive I had training for my first marathon.  Sure I still get all my training runs in and always give my best but it's lacking something.  I think the weather might have something to do with this.  This past week I logged 26 miles on the treadmill due to the Tulsa blizzard. The treadmill is not my most favorite place to run, I prefer a beautiful Spring morning.  But when you're a runner, you run no matter what the conditions are.  I actually feel very lucky that I was able to run on the treamill because so many people were stuck inside with nothing to do.  At least I could run.  As I run, I tend to think about so much.  Sometimes it's just when will this be over but sometimes it's deeper than that.  There are so many things that I want to do with my life.  I'm learning so much about myself and what I want and don't want, what I think is truly important and what's not.  I feel like I have grown so much within the last year and I yearn to grow even more.  I think in some ways I feel like, "well I accomplished a marathon... now what??"  Don't get me wrong I still want to run Big Sur and hopefully many more marathons in my future but I'm also okay running some half marathons or just running for fun and focusing on other things.  I think variety is a good thing and it also helps remind you why you do something.  I  know if I went one week without running, I would miss it terribly.  So that's why I continue.  I continue for me and I feel so lucky that I'm able to do the things that many people aren't.  I was thinking about this the other night and I truly feel so blessed to have been given the gifts that God gave me.  I'm not the smartest person or the richest or the prettiest but what I do have, I'm eternally grateful for.  I wouldn't trade what I have or where I am in my journey for anything.  I know that come that first beautiful day of Spring that I will be elated and proud of my progress.  Until then I will continue to pound the cold pavement and yes even the lovely treadmill to reach my goal.  Do what makes you HAPPY.  :)  

1001

First let me apologize for not writing in so long.  I haven't been training like normal therefore there hasn't been as much to write about.  But let me back track for a minute and say that I met my goal of running 1000 miles in 2010.  1001 to be exact.  :)  This is something that I NEVER thought I could do, in fact I never intended on making this a goal until I realized it was reachable.  As you know, I just started running in December of 2009 so I've officially been running for 1 year plus a little.  I still consider myself a newbie but I never in my wildest dreams would have thought that I would have completed 2 half marathons and 1 full marathon in 2010.  I'm so proud of pushing myself to do something out of the ordinary.  What an amazing running year!  I hope 2011 is just as great!  Today training started.  My new running goal is Big Sur.  If you know me, then you know I hate cold weather.  Waking up to run in freezing, bone cold weather is not exactly my idea of fun.  But I must say when I'm done and thawed out, I feel great!  I hope that I can get through this season without wimping out.  I keep telling myself that Spring will be here before I know it and then all the training and hard work in the cold will pay off.  Until then I will bundle up and hope the cold Saturday morning runs go as good as possible!  I really love being back in the group setting.  Running with a training group is definitely the way to go and I love my running family.  Since I ran with Fleet Feet last season, it's nice to come back to some familiar faces.  It makes me feel like I'm right where I should be.  Cheers to a New Year and new training season!  I can't wait to see what this New Year has in store. 
16 weeks until marathon #2!        

Route 66

It's hard to believe but it's been one week since the Route 66 Marathon.  Of course I didn't run in this event so maybe that's why it seems like more than just a week ago.  I tossed the idea around but ultimatly decided that a last minute race decision probably wouldn't have been wise.  I want to say Congratulations to all my friends/running family who completed this race.  It was a windy day and wind and running do not mix well.  Unless of course the wind is blowing in your favor.  I've come to the conclusion that regardless of wind, rain, hot or cold at some point you just have to sit back and rely on your training to get you through.  Unfortunatly we cannot control mother nature but we can control how we react to it.  I'm so proud of everyone who finished!!!  I also know a lot of people who got their PR that day which is simply amazing!  You guys inspire me!  I'm so happy to get to spend time with such an amazing group of strong individuals and I can't wait to start training again in January! 
CONGRATULATIONS AGAIN!  Keep your head held high.  You did it!  

Big Sur

On October 28th, 18 days after I completed my first marathon and said I would never do that again, I signed up for marathon #2.  Yep call me crazy!  There’s something about the time period after you finish a race that makes you feel invincible.  I don’t know what it is other than wanting to feel that feeling again.  For me, running isn’t nearly as fun unless I have something that I’m working towards.  I  like having a specific goal.  So when I was approached to run another marathon, I could feel the excitement and adrenaline soar like it did the times before when I signed up for a race.  I knew when I felt that feeling, that I should do it.  So without hesitation or concern for how I would do it (flight, hotels, etc) I just signed up!  Keep in mind when I signed up, I believe there were 28 spots left.  I didn’t have time to think, I just did it.  My next marathon will be Big Sur, May 1, 2011.  I am really excited to do this run.  It won’t be a PR run, it will be a challenging run that I hope someday I can say I completed.  I know it is going to be very hilly, windy and possibly foggy but it is also supposed to be one of the most beautiful, scenic marathons there is.  I don’t know that I look forward to Winter training again but I look forward to my 2nd marathon very much!  Bring it on Big Sur!  

I said I would answer these questions from a questionnaire that I started at the end of August after I completed my 1st marathon so here goes!


Be brutal, what was your race like?
I think I’ve answered this question and them some in my recap of before my marathon and my 1st marathon blogs so I won’t bore you with a long answer. But my marathon was pleasant, exhausting, wet, exhilarating, humbling, incredible, lonely, emotional and amazing all at the same time! If I had to choose one word, I’d choose amazing. I got to accomplish a goal that most people only dream of. I still have to pinch myself and remind myself that I did it. I have never been so proud of myself… maybe ever. I trained for weeks and months. I set a goal and I worked hard to accomplish it and make it mine.

How did you celebrate your marathon?
That evening my brother and I went out for sushi and drinks in Portland. We didn’t stay out too long because I was simply drained but it was a nice celebration. The next morning we had a delicious breakfast, coffee and walked around different shops in Portland. I will say that this day was a day of celebration for me too just because I finally got to relax and enjoy the satisfaction that I was done and could enjoy the beautiful day with my family.

Do you plan to run more in your future?
If you would have asked me directly after my race, I would have said no to running another marathon but as of today, I am signed up for my 2nd marathon in May 2011. J As to running in general, yes I hope to run for as long as my body allows me to continue doing so joyfully.

What is your running schedule now?
Right now I’m not training for anything quite yet so I’m just running for fun. I’m still trying to meet my personal goal of 1000 miles in 2010 so I’m running somewhere around 20 miles a week. I will start training again in late December/early January.

Honestly do you enjoy running or just the effects?
This is a tough question for me because if running didn’t bring me joy, pride, highs, a sense of accomplishment, a constant challenge and looser pants I wouldn’t enjoy it nearly as much as I do. So without the “effects” I guess it wouldn’t be as enjoyable. But I really do love running. I love going through the valleys and peaks of hard runs and great/satisfying runs. I love accomplishing a goal only to set another one. I love running gear and the friendships I’ve made. I love the challenge and the crazy looks I get from people when I tell them my goals or what I’ve ran that day. I love waking up and running on a Saturday morning and feeling more energized and alive than I could ever imagine feeling. I love feeling healthy and strong. This morning on my way to work, I saw someone running and I felt jealous. That’s when you know you truly love it. It was a beautiful morning and whenever it’s a gorgeous day I usually think at some point, it’s a perfect day for a run. I could go on and on about what I love about running but I won’t. You get the point…

What advice do you have for first timers?
Stay determined and positive. It’s not going to go perfect or as planned so just stay focused and confident that you can do it. Remember how hard you’ve worked and enjoy every moment of it. Find a good support system and SMILE!

My 1st Marathon

I had no idea how far ahead the pace groups were.  I decided I’d just run, not too fast but I’d try to catch up a little bit and if I saw some pace groups then great but to be honest I didn’t expect to.  For all I knew, the pace groups were way ahead of me.  I saw my brother and his family shortly after crossing the starting line.  It was great to see them there cheering me on!  My brother expected to see me in group G so I think I startled them a bit by running by before they expected me to.  I tried to very briefly tell them that I didn’t have a pace group to run with but I’m sure it sounded more like muffled chaos.  Oddly enough even though it was still steadily raining, it felt better to run in the rain than stand in the rain. I almost felt more sorry for the spectators than the runners just because the runners weren’t expecting to save face.  We knew we’d all look like drowned rats by the end of the race even if it weren’t raining.  So here I was trucking along with my thoughts when I saw the 5 hour pacer!  Yay!!!  It made me so happy to know I had found a pace group.  I don’t even know why really.  I guess because I had trained with a group and I knew I’d be more comfortable knowing where I was at pace wise during the run if I knew a person holding a pace sign was in front or behind me.  I can’t say where for sure but eventually I passed the 4:45 pacer.  I never made it up to the 4:30 pace group, they were just too far ahead and running too fast for me to catch up.  But I was happy.  I felt completely comfortable running between the 4:30 and the 4:45 pacers.  I also knew I’d see my brother 5 more times throughout the race which felt great.  I kept in mind each mile I’d see him.  It was nice to have short goals.  I saw him 3 times very early at the starting line, mile 2 and mile 5 then I saw him again at mile 12, mile 21 and the finish line.  Each time I passed them it gave me more motivation.  I braved a smile and continued on my way.  Throughout the race, I’d remind myself that I was running a marathon!!!  Seriously I was running a freaking marathon, something I never thought I’d do.  I felt really good I’d say for the first half of the marathon.  Around mile 8 I passed by a Christian band and just thought can I please take you with me.  Haha I tell you, God is very close to your mind when you’re running a marathon.  I don’t know how many times I thought God please help me.  As my friend Janka says to God be all the glory.  So very true.  I try to remind myself often that I am truly blessed.  Somewhere around mile 11, I passed by a man who looked kind of like a grizzly bear, a nice bear.  He looked at me dead in the eyes and said I’m proud of you.  I thought proud of me??  Wow here is this person who doesn’t even know me and he just grabbed on to my heart for a second.  He reminded me of my Dad.  Wow what a nice thing to say.  I thought about how much we take hearing those simple words for granted but I was proud of me too.  By mile 14 or 15 I noticed feeling a little more beat up.  I could tell my joints were starting to feel a little more sore but nothing that I couldn’t run through.  Plus I had just passed a band singing Take it Easy by the Eagles.  It was fun because the people running next to me continued singing the song even after we passed the band.  “Take it easy.. Take it easy.. Don’t let the sound of your own wheels Drive you crazy.. Lighten up while you still can Don’t even try to understand Just find a place to make your stand And take it easy….. Mile 15,16 and 17 were here.  This is a part of the race that I felt a little uneasy about.  It was a big hill leading up to the St. John’s Bridge.  When people talk about the Portland Marathon, the regulars know that this is one of the hardest parts of the race.  My brother and I had driven the course but I must say it was much harder on foot.  I rocked the first part of the hill, I felt great.  But I realized everyone is walking this hill.  I thought crap should I be conserving my energy?  Right when I stopped to walk, there was no starting back up.  The hill was just too tall so I walked with a nice pace until I reached the top.  I knew once the ground flattened out that I had to run again.  But now I was on the St. John’s Bridge and man was it cold with that rain blowing at me!  One step in front of the other I continued.  I reminded myself that I had to be around mile 17 and I got to see my brother again at mile 20 or so he told me…  Mile 20 came and went.  No Jimmy.  Darn I thought, I really needed to see him at this mile.  It was tough and my body hurt.  I needed to see their smiling faces to know that the end was within reach.  I continued and reminded myself that before the race began, I knew mile 16-22 would be the hardest for me.  I knew if I made it past 22, that there was only 4 miles left and I could do 4 miles in my sleep.  I was getting closer but part of me started to want to cry.  I think I did let one tear roll down my cheek before I made myself suck it up and keep going.  Around mile 21-22 I saw them.  There was my family.  I didn’t expect it at all at this point because I knew how hard it would be for them to get back to the finish line in time to watch me cross the finish line.  Somehow they managed it and it really made me smile.  Although this is the one point in the run where I found it really hard to crack a smile.  Shortly after this I saw a band and one of them was holding a sign that said “Your feet hurt so bad because you’re kicking so much ass!”  This is just what I needed.  A good laugh!  I thought ain’t that the truth!  People don’t realize how just a little sign can make someone’s run so much better.  Around mile 22 the 4:45 pacer started to pass me.  Oh no I thought, I can’t get behind the 4:45 pacer because I really wanted to finish under 5 hours.  So it took everything in me to hang on to this pace until the end of the run.  To top that off, this was the first time I’d actually run close to a pacer the entire race and boy was this girl annoying!  She was overly enthusiastic for my exhaustion because unlike us, the pacers didn’t run the entire race.  They would rotate in and out of positions so they weren’t nearly as tired.  I can understand how this enthusiasm would help some people but it was really wearing on me, to the point that I made myself run enough ahead that I couldn’t hear her annoying voice anymore.  Time was going by slowly… For as little as I had left, it felt like an eternity.  I knew that when I took a right on Salmon that my race was almost over and I would see the crowd of cheering people.  It seemed like forever until I finally saw Salmon St.  I suppose looking back that I shouldn’t have been so intent on seeing this street because it just made it that much harder and longer.  When I finally saw the cheering people I thought wow I’ve made it.  Then off to my right I heard my brother call my name.  I gave him a smile and continued on to the finish line.  Before this point it had crossed my mind that I should do something cool at the finish line, you know for the finish line picture.  Maybe hold an arm up in victory, something fun like that.. haha!  But shoot I was way too tired to care about a dang picture at this point.  I heard my name announced as I crossed the line and was immediately given my medal.  A medic rushed over to me and wrapped one of those silver capes around me to keep me warm.  I think they worry about runners getting hypothermia after they stop because your body heat goes down and your blood pressure plummets.  She wrapped her arm around my waist and said are you okay and I lost it.  I had been on the verge of tears and this did me in.  I started balling.  I think she was concerned for me because she kept asking if I was cold.  I wasn’t so she knew I was okay and went on to help someone else.  I stumbled around and grabbed a drink and some Fritos.  To be honest, I didn’t want anything but I knew I had to take something.  My body hurt.  I didn’t know what I wanted or needed.  I continued to walk around and started looking for my brother.  Keep in mind, I’m a hot mess trying so hard to hold back my tears so that I don’t look like a crazy person.  Finally I hear someone call my name.  It was Amanda, my sister in law.  I walked over to her and collapsed my head on her shoulders and began to cry.  Of course when I cried so did my sweet, little sister in law.  I could tell that they didn’t know what to expect and that maybe they didn’t expect to see these tears rolling down my cheeks.  I went to hug my brother who had been so kind to support his sister in such an amazing way.  They told me how proud they were and how awesome I did.  I listened and walked as best as I could to the car.  It was over.  I couldn’t ask for a better experience.  All of it, even the crazy made it mine and made it special.  I ran a marathon.  This has been one of the most fulfilling experiences of my life and I will never ever forget it.

Thank you Mom, Dad, Jimmy, Amanda, Evie, Jon, Aunt Linda, Grandma, Heidi, Janka and Coach Barry and of course all of my wonderful friends for all of your support and encouragement.